11 December, 2006

Tired and Emotional

Posted in Abbott and Costello, Alas a Blog, Flame Wars, Personal Ramblings, Survivors and Survival at 6:27 am by Daran

I am exhausted.

It’s been a long time since I’ve done any serious sport, but I used to be a Karateka, and before that I used to run. A good hour or two’s workout in the dojo, or a dozen miles of road behind me could leave me physically drained for the rest of the day.

That’s how I feel now, and I haven’t done anything physical. It’s passing slowly though, and I’m gradually coming down.

I have said that I’ve been in “full-flight survivor self-defence mode”. That’s not quite true. I think there are a couple of higher levels, but yeah, I’ve been ‘galvanised’ to a fairly considerable degree by the mugging I got on Alas, and Amp’s victim-blaming response on CD. (I won’t link directly to Alas. Although I’m satisfied that my trackbacks aren’t a problem to the mods on Alas, they still might antagonise others there. This post is for me; I don’t need to attract readers to this, and I’d rather avoid the potential grief.)

For all that this has been exhausting and painful to me (more exhausting than painful), it has, in fact, been very useful. I’ve learned a lot of lessons, about myself, about social dynamics (including realpolitik) in the blogosphere. It’s also become clear that I have made some assumptions that need to be reevaluated. (My next few posts here will be an attempt to document what I have learned.) In addition, I was successful in defending what I needed to defend – my integrity – and I did so without injuring too many innocent people.

On the downside, I lost “territory”. That is to say, I can no longer post safely to Alas. Even linking there feels dangerous, though it’s a risk of grief vs. need for readers tradeoff. Hopefully I’ll be able to make a few non-controvertial posts there soon, when I feel a bit stronger.

So all in all, this has not been too bad for me, though these things are never pleasant.


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